


tainted colors

by tooruluv



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Awkward Tsukishima Kei, Color Blindness, Colors, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Soulmate AU, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27235570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooruluv/pseuds/tooruluv
Summary: in a world where you only see color when you're in love, you've grown frustrated of the greyscale. but falling in love with someone you barely know was never something you planned.soulmate au... except not quite. everyone is born colorblind. you can only see color once you fall in love (and it grows brighter until you see full color as the love grows). however, that doesn't ensure a lasting connection. it simply means that love exists in that moment, until it doesn't.( also posted on my tumblr @ tooruluv !! )
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Comments: 54
Kudos: 200





	1. faded beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> me? writing for tsukki? that's crazy...
> 
> anyway! i hope i do him justice, because he's actually one of my favorites. i hope you all enjoy and please feel free to leave feedback! 
> 
> also, i would like to say that the "soulmate au but only when you're actually in love" thing is not my idea! i don't know who's idea it was, and i'm sure it was created by several people, but i just wanted to tell you all that i wish i was that creative but, unfortunately, i am not. so! i wanted to give credit where credit is do! moving on to the fic! <3

_“ you're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you ”_

_**\- can’t take my eyes off of you** , frankie vallie _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

Kei Tsukishima did not believe in falling in love. Sure, he believed in loving things, but being in love sounded absolutely ridiculous. The entire basis of love, relationships… it just never made any sense to him.

You, on the other hand, very well might have your heart placed on your sleeve. You had a million crushes, a constant new person in your focus. The thing was, you had never seen color.

Color only came to those who fell in love. Through those crushes, through those varying false relationships and games of spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven, you had never actually fallen in love. 

It was becoming frustrating.

While Tsukishima was perfectly content in living in a world without love, in the same greyscale life he had always known, while you were drowning trying to find someone to hang onto. 

What strange friends you were.

Well, not friends, per say. But acquaintances for sure. A comfortable relationship between the two of you full of eye contact, your flirtations, and his constant coming into your coffee shop.

━━━━━

If we had to name a beginning, it started the first week of the summer. 

You were working at a coffee shop, this little place called Blu. It was a simple corner shop, squished in between two other buildings. You just wanted a summer job to pass by time and get some money, nothing permanent.

Until, one day a tall boy with glasses walked into the place.

He looked bored out of his mind as his eyes scanned the menu above your head. He didn’t say anything when you greeted him ( _“Welcome to Blu! What can I get for you today?”_ in your best customer service voice), nor did he say anything when you handed him his coffee. He only spoke to you once, a monotone “I’ll take a black coffee” when he ordered. 

You were absolutely infatuated.

One, because who orders a plain black coffee in the middle of the summer? And two, he was cute.

He had to be your age, you decided. Though most kids your age would never get a plain black coffee, and he was pretty tall, he had the youth you did. You just knew.

“Kei!” you called for his order. He didn’t even look into your eyes. 

━━━━━

This was a repeat occurrence throughout the rest of the summer, every morning. Sometimes he would say something more, like add a little “Hello.” before ordering. Or he would steal glances at you, and there would be a staring contest for a moment or two.

Occasionally, he even muttered “thank you” when you handed him the mug. Call it what you want, but you called it “progress”.

One particular morning, he was dressed up. You didn’t know what for, you didn’t know much about him as it were, and all you could do was admire. He was stunning in a dark suit, the greyscale doing nothing but bring out how handsome he looked in it.

“Well, don’t you look ravishing today?” You flirted, already moving to get his black coffee. “The usual?”

He gave a small nod, not reacting to your compliment. He had his hands in his pockets, and a dangly earring in one ear.

“Well, here you go.” You handed him the mug. “One plain black coffee for Kei. Don’t spill it on yourself.”

“I would never.” He said. His voice was still monotone, but you caught it. A small quip in the corner of his lip. You almost got him to smile.

━━━━━

However, most mornings it was the same thing. He would come in, order a black coffee for “Kei”, and sit near the window and scroll through his phone through sips. You would watch as the sun created lighter greys along his skin and hair, you would watch as the glare gleamed off of his glasses. 

_Oh, how you wished you could see the color of his hair._

And, one day, you did.

━━━━━

It was a usual summer day. Autumn was approaching fast, so cool wind started to battle against the sun. But he came in nonetheless; Kei, with his black coffee. Except, this time was different.

“Welcome back, stranger.” You greeted, smiling as bright as you could. You didn’t even ask him what he wanted, you were already getting the black coffee ready behind the counter.

“I’ll take a black coffee.” he said, monotone and normal.

But, it wasn’t normal, not even the slightest bit. Because when you looked up to hand him his coffee, you were met with an array of colors.

You had to blink a few times, just to make sure that you were seeing what you were seeing. The colors were faded, newly forming, but they were still very much there. He had light yellow hair. No. "Blonde" was the word you were looking for. 

He was frozen too, just standing there. But then you realized that you were just staring, his coffee in your hands. He must’ve thought you were insane.

“Kei, can I ask you something?” you asked, not wanting to hand him his drink yet. You weren’t one to let your questions go unanswered.

For a moment, he blinked at you. He _definitely_ had to think you were insane. “What?”

“Do you see color?” 

If you saw color as you looked at him, you hoped that maybe… maybe he saw color when he looked at you. 

“No.”

Right. Of course not. 

“Okay. Thanks! I was just wondering.” you handed him the mug, plastering a fake smile on your face (partly for the sake of customer service, and mainly to cover your disappointment). “Enjoy!”

He gave you one last look over, one last glance, before going to his usual spot by the window.

The thing was, you were hoping that he did. You know how ridiculous it sounded, being in love with someone who only spoke a couple of sentences to you. But you couldn’t deny that spending the entire summer excited to see that one person at work… it made sense that you would be. 

You just weren’t expecting the colors to arrive right before you leave the job. The perfect time to fall for someone you will probably never see again once you leave and return to school and sports full-time.

Love really does come when you least expect it.

━━━━━

For the rest of that day, you spent your time finding as many colors as you could. You didn’t want it to go away, though it was a likely chance. The colors go away when the love does.

You had to look up what some of the colors were. It was strange to be taught the colors without ever seeing them, and your parents had explained how some colors look, but it was completely different. It was like each of them had their own _feeling_.

But, even then, you only witnessed the faded versions of those colors. The sky was a pale blue, hidden by the grey clouds. The grass was almost yellow, and the shop you worked at was a soft brown. Everything was still hidden by the greyscale you were accustomed to. And you couldn’t help but want to see more, see them in their full color. 

Maybe falling completely and utterly in love would be an amazing thing.

━━━━━

It was comparable to the sun and moon, the relationship between you and Kei Tsukishima. You danced around each other, hoping to chase the light the other brought.

When you worked the next morning, your usual boy didn’t show up. Your eyes searched for him every time the small ding of the bell above the door announced someone entering. But it was never him.

Sighing, you ended your last shift there. Maybe you would come back as a customer, order a drink that has way too much sugar, and sit in his spot in hopes he would show up and sit with you. Or maybe you would run into him on your way out.

Or not.

As you hung up your apron for the last time, gave your manager your nametag and said your last goodbyes to your favorite coworkers, you accepted the fact that the colors would leave soon. They very well couldn’t stay if you end up falling out of love with a boy you would never see again.

━━━━━

It had been months. 

Months, and the colors didn’t leave and didn’t grow any brighter. You were stuck in a world where everything was filtered to be faded, and you were growing annoyed.

“Just fucking go away already.” you spoke to the universe.

You would rather live in a world without color than live in a world of _almost_.

━━━━━

“Everyone!” Daichi called for the team to join him. They obeyed. “Now that Coach Ukai is our official coach, he’s come up with an idea. I think it’s pretty good, so hear him out.” Daichi announced. He turned to their coach, letting him speak.

“Alright, guys.” Ukai crossed his arms. “We have some tournaments this weekend. So do some of the other sports teams, specifically the girls volleyball teams and the softball and baseball teams.”

Tsukki was bored. What did softball and baseball have to do with volleyball? Their season isn’t for months, anyway. They have plenty of time before actual games.

“So, I’ve talked with the softball and baseball coaches and they think that it’s a good idea for us to team up for some fundraising things the next couple of weeks so we can get buses.” Ukai explained. “And, on top of that, someone from the softball team said that they would help us with volleyball practices after softball, since we typically end later than they do.”

“Wait, softball?” Tanaka gaped. “So a girl’s gonna be helping us?”

“A girl already does help us, dumbass.” Tsukki rolled his eyes. Kiyoko did too, but subtly. 

“Yeah, she’ll be here in a couple of minutes so I wanted to give a warning.” Ukai said. “She’s in her first year, too, but I expect respect. Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on with practice.”

Okay, cool. Now back to practice. The reason they’re there to begin with.

They practiced for a bit, going through drills and did a bit of half-assed running (which Tsukki still never understood, why would he have to run miles if he’s just a blocker?). Until a girl walked in.

It was you.

You were here, at Karasuno, at his practice.

You walked in, still in your softball practice uniform. Every time that he had seen you during the summer, you never had your hair down. But, when you walked into the gym and greeted Coach Ukai with a smile, your hair was down and messy from the wind. 

Everyone else had noticed Tsukki had stopped in his tracks and dropped what they were doing, turning their heads to see what he was looking. Or rather, who. Now you had the entire team’s attention.

That was when you caught his eye. 

His breathing stopped. And so did yours.


	2. make them go away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of a filler chapter !!
> 
> mentions of underage shit and swearing, but nothing serious. also! tsukki being tsukki

_“ you don’t wanna be my boyfriend, and i don’t wanna be your girl ”_

_**\- be good** , emily kinney _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

You stared directly at the boy you spent your summer with, standing stoic in front of you. There was absolutely no way this was real. There was a rush of silence over the gym and the world was slower.

“Tsukki, do you know her?” Yamaguchi spoke up first, standing next to his best friend. He knew Tsukki more than he knew most people, and the awkward stare down between you both was a pretty clear statement. 

You heard him, and smiled. Tsukishima didn’t move, still grasping the fact you were actually at his practice. He only blinked when the smile was directed at him.

“So, your real name is Tsukki, huh?” You were still smiling. You walked further into the gym. “It’s cute, I don’t know why you never used that.”

“You two know each other?” Hinata jumped in, suddenly appearing next to Tsukishima.

“Yeah, he used to come into my work sometimes.” You answered the little one. That was a lie; he came everyday. He wondered why you lied about that. “But he always went by ‘Kei’. I had no idea you went here!”

“Kei Tsukishima.” Tsukki said. You turned your eyes to him, tilting your head a little to the side. “That’s my name. Kei Tsukishima. Tsukki is a nickname.”

“Ah.” You smiled, still. “Well, hello Tsukki.”

━━━━━

To say that you couldn’t breathe would be an understatement.

The very second your eyes caught his, the colors turned just a little bit brighter. Not only were you already annoyed by the colors not just going away, now you were livid that the boy made them get _brighter_ , more vivid. 

Karasuno’s orange was a little bit more orange. The greyscale was faded but still there, the colors standing out against the blacks and greys and whites you were used to. 

You wanted them gone.

How could you possibly be falling in love with a man you barely knew? It didn’t make any sense, and it was annoying more than anything.

For the rest of the boy’s practice, you observed the brilliance of the team. You had no idea that Karasuno’s volleyball team was good (you never really paid attention to other sports teams other than softball and baseball, anyway). You actually gaped the second you witnessed Kageyama and Hinata’s quick attack.

But you were even more in shock when you watched Tsukishima block a spike.

It was nothing special, really, but you couldn’t help but stare blankly when the ball hit his hand and went directly back to Tanaka.

“They’re brilliant.” You breathed. But your eyes were only on Tsukki. 

“We’re working on it.” Ukai said back, smiling.

━━━━━

He felt your eyes on him.

He couldn’t focus on the practice. He couldn’t even accept the praise from his team members when he blocked a pretty decent spike. He couldn’t do anything but feel your focus on him.

━━━━━

The practice ended with some final drills and encouraging words from Ukai. He also told them about their first fundraiser coming up, alongside the rest of your softball team, the baseball team and the girl’s volleyball team.

Until then, you’re there to help. 

The team warmed up to you rather quickly. The third years made it their mission to make sure you were comfortable, including Asahi (who they thought you would be scared of, and it was a surprise to them when you weren’t). The rest of the team greeted you and made sure to call it out if a ball was coming your way. It was easy, and it felt kind of nice to be around teammates other than your own.

You stayed behind to talk to Coach Ukai about your responsibilities at practice, and what time you would show up most of the time. You also talked to Kiyoko about what she does, and what she thinks she could use help with alongside Yachi.

You were still talking to Ukai when you watched Tsukki walk out the door, and you quickly excused yourself to race after him.

He walked next to Tadashi Yamaguchi, and his long strides made it hard for you to catch up. But you did, nonetheless. 

“Kei Tsukishima.” You walked beside him. He didn’t even look down. “You did great today! I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I could believe it. Not that I expected you to be bad, I just hadn’t expected you to be a volleyball player. And a good one.”

You watched him bite his lip and his face flush. He definitely wasn’t used to blatant compliments; he acted the same way when you complimented him when he came into your work dressed up. It was cute.

 _No, it wasn’t_ , you corrected yourself.

“Thanks.” He said. At the same time Yamaguchi said, “Tsukki usually doesn’t respond to compliments.”

Yamaguchi tilted his head at Tsukishima, confusion masking his features. You took a second to look over his face, he was cute.

“Tadashi,” You brought his attention to you. 

You were still walking, Tsukishima between you both, but his eyes found yours. “You can call me Yamaguchi. Or Yams. Everyone does.”

“Okay, Yamaguchi.” You smiled. “Your eyes are pretty. They’re this cool mix of brown and green. I just had to tell you.”

“You see color?” His eyes got wide. “That’s so cool! Who are you in love with? Actually, sorry, that’s personal.”

“Don’t apologize.” You waved it off. You wouldn’t tell him anyway.

That would be a conversation, wouldn’t it? “Actually, I see color because I’m in love with Kei Tsukishima even though I have barely spoken to him nor have I really got to know him. My heart is just a piece of shit!”.

“What color are my eyes?” Tsukishima spoke up, stopping in his tracks. 

You stopped too, now standing in front of him in the middle of the street. It was dark, but you knew the answer before he even asked.

You reached up to move his glasses, pretending to just now be taking your first glance. You were incredibly close as you stared at his eyes. He was so handsome it hurt.

Placing his glasses back into his original place on his nose, and stepping back, you said, “Golden brown.”

You didn’t hear him catch his breath.

━━━━━

“Is she in love with you?” Yamaguchi asked once you were gone.

“I have no idea.” Tsukki replied, even though he was pretty sure.

━━━━━

“How could I _possibly_ be in love with him?” You sighed, collapsing onto your bed.

Your best friends, Mai and Haru, were in your room. They had been dating for over a year, the both of them seeing color in junior high after Mai congratulated Haru after his baseball game. You just got lucky that they were both your friends and made sure you never third wheeled.

To paint the picture, Mai was still in her dirty practice softball uniform with her long hair sprawled out against your pillows as she leaned against your headboard of your bed, one leg bent. Haru had changed into sweats and a black hoodie, his head shaved and mismatched socks; he laid upside down on your spinning desk chair, feet dangling off of the top and head hanging from where your feet should. And you laid between them, a starfish on your bed.

“It makes sense.” Mai said from her position against your headboard. “You spent, like, the entire summer with him. Might as well fuck him and get it over with.”

You laughed and threw a pillow at her. “Oh my god!”

“What if you just fucked him into color blindness?” Naru spoke up, hanging upside down on your desk chair. “It could work.”

“You two are insane.” You ignored them. “My question is, what do I actually do about it? I want it over.”

“Why? Wasn’t it boring to live in a world of black and white?” Mai asked, now cuddling the pillow you threw at her. “You always complained about not falling in love, but now that you are, you’re annoyed by it.”

“Because he doesn’t love me back.” You sat up. “I would _love_ to keep seeing color, but it sucks. To be the only one in an unrequited love, I mean.”

“And you don’t want Tsukishima?”

“Why would I?” You turned to Haru. “It’s very obvious that he’s not my type. I don’t want to date him, and he doesn’t want to date me. It’s as simple as that.”

“Except it isn’t that simple, because you’re in love with him. Actual love.” Haru said. 

“Barely.”

“Hm?”

“I’m barely in love with him. I’m only a fraction in love with him, the colors are still pretty faded.” You said. “I’m trying to make it go away before I actually fall in love with him.”

“You can’t deny that he’s handsome, though.” Mai teased. “Kei Tsukishima and the whole ‘Oh, I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything’ thing. It’s hot.”

“Haru, do you hear your girlfriend?”

“I do, and she’s right.”

“Yeah, you two are insane. And meant for each other.”

━━━━━

The next day at school, you caught Tsukki in the hallway.

It was before classes have begun, so most of the students were hanging out in the hallways or grouped in their classrooms waiting for the bell to ring. You were walking to your class when Tsukki walked the opposite way than you, hands in his pockets and usual bored expression planted on his face.

He caught your eye and came towards you. 

“Hey, Tsukki.” You greeted. “What’s u…”

“You’re in love with me, right?” He asked plainly.

He asked it so simply, as if it were a casual conversation between you. But your heart hammered your chest and you were paralyzed. 

“I don’t…” You were trying to find words. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because you see color. And you asked me the minute you did, back at Blu.” He rolled his shoulders back. “I can’t see color. Which means that I don’t love you back. I want you to know that won’t change. I don’t plan on dating you, or falling in love with you back.”

“I don’t plan on dating you, either.” You told him.

It was his turn to be shocked. He didn’t reply, only nodding.

“I’m glad we have an understanding.” Tsukki said.

You stood up straighter. “I’m glad we do, too. I don’t want to waste my colors on someone who doesn’t love me, anyway. I figured we could be friends, though, since you did spend an entire summer drinking my coffee.”

“I don’t mind being friends.” He said. He looked over your shoulder, catching the eye of someone else. You rolled your eyes.

“Go on, then.” You told him.

“Hm?”

“This conversation is boring you.” You motioned over your shoulder. “Go on, I’m sure Yamaguchi is waiting for you. I have to go to class.”

He wasn’t used to being pushed away like that. Maybe it was the annoyance in your voice, or the fact that you really didn’t care about his boredness or lack of enthusiasm, but he didn’t really want to leave you just yet.

Mai and Haru came down the hall, giving you glances and smirking at you. You gave one last look to Tsukki, muttering a “got to go!”, and moved around him to your friends. 

You had to get rid of this “love” as soon as possible.


	3. something there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk i wanted to put another part out so here it is <3

_“ fuck love, it’s all a lie ”_

_**\- i think you're really cool** , gaurdin _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

You tried to spend most of the next couple of days ignoring Tsukishima, despite your desire to be friends. You wanted to be friends and do friend things, but not while he thought you were in love with him (which, apparently, you were).

Which is why it frustrated you even more when both you and Tsukishima were announced as the top two of your class. Tied. For first. What kind of fucked up world did you live in?

When your teacher announced it, he made you and Tsukishima stand in front of the class like you were a new kid coming in the middle of the year. You could feel his gaze turn to you the second your name was announced alongside his. You wanted to burst into a million pieces. 

“I didn’t know you were smart.” Tsukki told you when class was over.

He followed you out of the classroom, walking beside you in the hallway to lunch. So, not only was he starting to get on your nerves, he also thought you were dumb.

“Thanks. Guess you really can’t judge a book by it’s cover, can you?”

He rolled his eyes, hands in his pockets. “That isn’t what I meant and you know it.”

“Right. Well, I better be off. See you at practice."

And you were already down the hallway.

━━━━━

At softball practice after school, Mai came to you with the biggest smile on her face. The dugout only held you and her as she dropped her bag and rummaged for her glove. 

“What with the giggling?” You asked. “You’re never this happy after school.”

“Just thinking about you and Tsukishima.” You were about to reprimand her and call her an idiot when she continued, “You should’ve seen the look on his face when your name was announced after his. I can’t believe that you didn’t even notice that he was in our class.”

Well, to be completely honest, the first day of school you had skipped that hour and left for early lunch. You could’ve found out he went to Karasuno earlier yesterday if you had just gone to class.

“I love how this is funny to you.”

“It’s incredibly funny to me.” Mai giggled as you both headed to the field to warm up. “Hey, what color are his eyes again?”

You threw a softball at her. She caught it, still laughing.

━━━━━

“The first fundraiser starts the day after tomorrow, so I hope that everyone plans on participating.” Ukai told them. “We are going to do a bake sale, so bake whatever you want and bring it in. We got approved to have tables at the entrance during the morning and in the cafeteria at lunch. If you bake something with peanuts, make sure you…”

And he went over the rules and regulations and how much they expect to make. The bake sale will be all over the school, and for the rest of the week. Tsukishima wasn’t excited, nor did he think that the bake sale will even get them one bus, let alone two.

“Why are we selling desserts when this is for sports?” Tsukki asked. “I mean, we’re supposed to be in shape yet we’re baking and selling sweets.”

“Because they sell.” You spoke up, coming in the door. The entire team looked over. “Desserts and sweets sell. They’re something everyone likes.”

“She’s right.” Ukai said, moving over as you apologized for interrupting. “Bake sales tend to make a bit, and if we don’t meet our goal then we have another plan. But, until then, it’s the bake sale. I expect you all to bring in your own things. And I mean all of you.”

The boys started to converse, talking amongst themselves on what they plan on baking (or buying, according to Tanaka and Noya). Hinata was raving on and on about what he plans on making with his little sister, and Kageyama and Tsukki looked less than thrilled.

“Alright, boys, let’s get back to practice!” And a silence fell.

━━━━━

You’ve made it your routine to join Tsukki and Yamaguchi in walking home. They walked the same way you did for a majority of your walk; and to be completely honest, it was nice. They were the only two on the team that went out of their way to talk to you and it made you feel welcome (The others talked to you, but mainly to be polite. They haven’t warmed up fully yet, but they will). 

Tsukki even purposely slowed his pace so you could keep up. You noticed.

“Hey, what do you plan on making for the bake sale?” Yamaguchi asked you from the other side of the tall blonde.

It was always this way. You on the left, Tsukki in the middle, and Yamaguchi on the right, as you three walked in the middle of the street.

“I’m probably going to make brownies and cupcakes.” You shrugged. “They’re the easiest to make a lot of. I like to bake, so it shouldn’t be too back. What about you?”

“Cookies.” 

“Tsukki?” You looked up. He looked down. “What are you making?”

“I’m probably just going to buy something.” 

You blinked, and then looked at Yamaguchi. He wasn’t surprised at all by his best friend, only giving you a he’s a buzzkill, isn’t he? Look.

“Why don’t you come to my house tomorrow and bake with me?” You offered before you could stop yourself. The minute you let the words leave your mouth, you cringed. 

The three of you went silent for a second too long.

“What time?” 

“Hm?” 

“What time do you want me to come over?” Tsukki asked. 

You blinked. “We can just walk together after practice tomorrow. If you want.”

“Sounds good.”

“ _What is going on?_ ” Yamaguchi asked, confusion evident. 

“What?” Tsukki turned to his best friend. “I can’t bake with a friend?”

“Not one that’s in love with you.” Yamaguchi said, immediately regretting his words. He instantly turned to you, shaking his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s good, Yams.” You were laughing. “You’re Tsukki’s best friend, I’m not even a little bit surprised that he told you. I told my best friends, too. I’m not trying to seduce him with my baking skills, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Tsukki let out a breathy laugh, just a small scoff-like chuckle. Yamaguchi was still confused, bewilderment etched on his face and in his voice.

“You’re so honest about it.” He said.

“Because I don’t want to be in love with him.” You told him. “I’ve been trying to get the fucking colors to be gone but they’re still here.”

A pause. “Wait, really?”

“You try falling in love with someone, and then have them tell you that they can’t see color. You’ll want them to leave, too.”

“You’ve got a point.” Yamaguchi looked back to his friend. “So you’re going to bake back into colorblindness?”

“Hopefully.” You giggled. “Tsukki, you don’t plan on falling in love with my baking skills do you?”

“Dear God I hope not.”

“See.”

━━━━━

“You invited him to _bake_ with you?” Mai was hysterical, laughing with tears running down her face.

It was the same positions as the day before. All of you spread out in your bedroom, tossing around a softball.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.” You said. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“Clearly.”

“But it’s purely as friends!” You defended. “For the bake sale so he can play volleyball.”

“Oh, you might as well show up naked.”

“We are simply baking brownies and cookies as friends.”

“Haru, baby, do you hear this?” Mai turned to her boyfriend. “They’re _baking_ as _friends_.”

“ _Sure_ they are.” Haru laughed, catching the softball that Mai tossed to him. “Hey, will you call us when you two end up making out?”

“Why are you two so convinced that…”

“Because you only see color when you genuinely love someone or are genuinely falling for someone.” Mai said. “And you see color.”

“But he doesn’t.” You told them, again, for the millionth time. 

“But that doesn’t mean that he _can’t_.” Haru told you. “You claim that you want the colors gone and that you don’t want to be in love with him, yet here you are trying to be his friend and bake with him.”

“Why is baking an innuendo here?”

“Because it is one.” Mai finished.

“You two bake all of the time.”

“Exactly.”

“That’s fucking gross.”

━━━━━

Tadashi Yamaguchi sat in Tsukishima’s bedroom, sitting in his desk chair and mind blanking as Tsukki tried to explain the homework to him.

“Hey, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi interrupted. Tsukki looked up.

“What’s up?”

“You can’t see color, right?” 

“No, why?”

“I just always thought that when someone sees color, it’s when two people in love see it.” Yamaguchi looked up, catching his best friend’s eye. “Don’t you wish that you loved her back?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t believe in love anyway.” Tsukki looked back to his homework at hand. “And being in love shouldn’t be centered around ‘I see color that means that I’m in love’ because that’s bullshit. There has to be more to it than that.”

“So you’re hoping that the closer you get to her, she’ll fall out of love with you?”

“Hopefully. It’s kind of annoying, really.”

Everything Tsukishima said made sense, it truly did, but Yamaguchi couldn’t understand. How could you possibly think that love wasn’t real? If someone fell for him, Yamaguchi would do his best to fall in love back. It doesn’t happen everyday.

He felt bad for you, though he knew he shouldn’t. He couldn’t think of falling in love with someone and have them tell you straight up that they didn’t love you back, and that they didn’t see color.

But something between you and Tsukki made sense to him. There was _something_ that just added up about the two of you.


	4. baking innuendos

_“ 'cause i can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it won't ”_

_**\- i can't make you love me** , dave thomas junior _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

For your entire life, you had always wondered what your favorite color would be. You would hear your parents talk about it with their friends, you would hear it between the lucky few who had met their lovers early. But you never had one.

It should be such an easy question to ask someone when you first meet them. It should be the most basic human answer, a description of who they are as a person. You’ve done research, scanned websites and took fake online “what color is your aura?” quizzes, only to become frustrated by the black and white.

You even tried to compare the shades of grey to colors. Your mother would tell you what color something is, and you would try to remember. It never worked.

But now, if someone were to ask “what’s your favorite color?”, you would simply tell them, “yellow.”

━━━━━

“I’ll wait for you after practice.” Tsukki told you the next morning.

He stood directly beside your locker, tall and still as if he never hunched over in his life. He pushed up his glasses and walked away as a way to conclude his statement.

You rolled your eyes. Of all the people on this planet, you’ve fallen in love with him. You looked up as if to ask God, or whoever’s up there, “ _why_?”

━━━━━

Working at Blu for the summer was an easy job. When you weren’t glancing at Tsukishima, you poured coffee and lemonades and sold baked goods. It was good for extra money, and everyone that you worked with was kind and welcomed you with smiles.

Tsukki was sitting at his table, drinking his daily plain black coffee, when your coworker caught you staring. She was a third-year and had been working there since she was your age, so it wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed his attendance. 

Wiping her hands on her apron (which are blue, now that you know), she said, “He’s cute. You should ask him for his number.”

You immediately jumped back, pretending to wipe the counter down. “Absolutely not.”

“He comes in here every day.” She said, as if you didn’t already know. “No normal guy comes in to a coffee place in the middle of summer everyday without reason.”

“We have good coffee.”

“ _Sure_. That’s why.”

For the rest of the summer, she made sure to schedule you for the morning shifts and hang back when she sees him come in.

━━━━━

At practice, the girls were all discussing what they were making for the bake sale. It was a fun practice, full of team building exercises and barely any running.

Mai looped her arm through yours as practice ended. She gave you one of her award winning smiles, bouncing on her feet. 

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re thinking something.” You said, pushing into her side. 

“You’re _baking_ with Kei Tsukishima tonight.” Mai stopped when you almost reached the volleyball practice gym. “Are you excited? Nervous? Do you have everything you need? _Chapstick_?”

“Fuck you.” 

You pushed her away as you headed to the gym to help with the boys practice. She kept making kissy faces towards you. You flipped her off.

━━━━━

Kei Tsukishima was not one to pay attention to little things. He was a big picture man. He focused on how things affected his future, about college applications, about how plays can be executed by the entire team.

Yet, when you walked into the gym, he couldn’t help but focus on a strand of your hair that kept sticking to your mouth.

━━━━━

“Are you coming or what?” Tsukki adjusted the bag on his back. He stood at the doors, leaning on one. You were picking up some extra balls for Kageyama and Hinata.

“Coming, coming.” You waved goodbye to the dynamic duo. 

The walk was mainly quiet. Yamaguchi left before you two, claiming that he had a lot of homework to do. You didn’t know about that.

“You don’t have to stay after, you know.” Tsukki said. You looked up. “You don’t have to stay after practice to help those two. You already are helping us enough.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Why do you do it?”

“Hm?”

“Why do you come to our volleyball practices?” He kept his eyes straight. “You come from your practice to help us with ours, and that just sounds ridiculous to me.”

“It looks good on my college app.” You told him. It was his turn to look at you. “And Ukai has been close to my family for a long time, so it’s hard to say no to him when he asks for a volunteer.”

“That makes sense.” He said. “I couldn’t do it.”

“What? Have two practices, or volunteer for Ukai?”

“Both.”

You chuckled, nudging him with your side. He kept walking, but he had a smile too. He wasn’t so dark and gloomy as people thought. He had a gorgeous smile.

The rest of the walk was in silence again. It was already dark, and the moonlight made him look ethereal. Tsukki really could be compared with the moon, you decided.

Every once in a while, you two walked too close and accidentally bumped into each other. Or your back of your hand brushed his. It just ended up in little laughs between you both.

And, before you knew it, you were standing in front of your house.

“This is me.”

━━━━━

“I’m not wearing this shit.”

“Yes, you are.”

You were trying so hard not to cry laughing, holding up a pink apron that your mom used. You already had a matching one on. He looked at it as if you just offered him a can of dog shit for breakfast.

“You could not pay me to wear that.”

“It’s this or get shit all over you.”

“I’ll take the shit.”

Sighing, you reached to force it on him. He moved back, narrowly avoiding your attack. One more try ended in the same result. You were giggling now, and he was smiling.

“Just…” A struggling pull over his head. “Put…” A push. “It on!” And your arms were around his back.

The position was awkward, but both of you were laughing too much to notice. You had your arms wrapped around his waist, chest to chest as you tied his apron around him. He stood with his arms crossed as he let you put the fucking apron on.

“There. Look at you. So pretty.”

He pushed up his glasses and looked down. “Must be why you’re in love with me.”

“If you keep pulling that card, I’ll be sure you don’t get credit for any of these.”

“Now you’re just being cruel.”

━━━━━

“I don’t get it.”

“Tsukki, there are literal instructions. You follow them.”

“No shit. My question is, what the hell is _softened butter_?”

“Oh my god.”

━━━━━

Soon enough, the two of you were into a rhythm. You were baking brownies and cupcakes as if you did it together every day. Conversations came natural. It was nice.

It wasn’t until you noticed the brown specs of cocoa powder on his nose did you realize how close you were standing. You were to his right, mixing whatever was in your bowl at the time, But you could feel his warmth from beside you.

He could feel you, too. 

“The brownies are brown, obviously.” You said in the middle of the silence. “The cupcakes are brown with black and orange sprinkles, and white frosting. I thought I should tell you.”

He was silent for a minute. You thought that maybe you were annoying him with reminders that you were in love with him, or maybe you should’ve kept it to yourself. But then, he turned to you.

“You said that my eyes were golden brown.”

“I did.”

He was standing far too close. He was standing _incredibly_ too close. And he was staring into your eyes for far too long. You couldn’t conjure up any reasons to hate him, or get rid of your feelings. Why would you want to do that when he is standing beside you, warm and brilliant and glowing.

Fuck.

“What color are my glasses?”

“Black.”

“And my jacket?”

“Black.”

Now he was standing directly in front of you. You didn’t know exactly when you turned, but you had. He was inches from you. His lips were inches from yours.

“And the apron?”

“Pink.”

He was leaning in. There is absolutely _no way_ that this is happening.

All you had to do was lean in, and you could get it over with. Get it out of your mind and gone forever, along with the stupid colors that remind you with every second that he can’t see them back. All you had to do was press your lips to his…

You could feel his breath on your face. Your heart hammered your chest and everything froze at once.

“You must be Kei Tsukishima!”

You jumped back, bringing your body back to your mixing bowl. Your mom entered the kitchen, pajamas on and a smile plastered on her face. You pretended nothing was happening.

“Yes, ma’am.” He greeted. As if nothing was happening.

As if nothing was happening. Because nothing did happen.

“Mom, I know that it’s late.” You started to explain, but she quickly stopped you. 

“Hush now. You spend as much time as you need. Nice to meet you, Tsukishima.” She sent you a wink, heading up the stairs. 

You closed your eyes, trying to forget what just happened. But, when you opened them, you were faced with the worst thing that could possibly happen in that moment.

The colors gained a little bit of hue. His pink apron contrasted brighter against his black jacket. The orange sprinkles gained a little bit of tint. The greyscale filter lifted a bit more.

You wanted to bang your head against the wall. _Fuck_.


	5. second in command

_“ i'll make the most of the sadness ”_

_**\- slow dancing in a burning room** , john mayer _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

Of all the things that you found yourself mulling over, almost kissing Kei Tsukishima was something that you never expected. Yet there you were. Pacing your bedroom by yourself with one hand pressed to your lips chasing the near ghost of his.

You should talk to him about it. 

It isn’t that you were embarrassed, nor were you even upset. You were just confused. 

He was so close to kissing you. He was so very close. And he would’ve, too, if your mom hadn’t walked in. He would’ve done it.  
He would have, right?

Sighing, you flopped onto your bed. Maybe Mai and Haru were right about “baking”.

━━━━━

You juggled your containers of desserts, struggling to hold them in your arms. The cupcakes and brownies were definitely moving around in the plastic tubs, but you were just trying to get them from your house to the bake sale table.

Tsukishima suddenly appeared at your side, grabbing only the top container.

“Oh. Hey.” You managed to get the others in a stable position. “Hey.”

“You said _hey_ twice.” 

“Yeah.” You were going to talk to him. You were going to talk to him about the almost kiss. Yes. That was what you were going to do. “Actually, I wanted to…”

“You guys made cupcakes!!” 

You were going to commit arson if you got interrupted one more _fucking_ time.

Yamaguchi walked up to you both, smile plastered on his face. He must’ve already brought whatever he made (his cookies, if you remembered correctly) because his hands were empty.

“And brownies.” Tsukki said. 

Yamaguchi looked between you two. He noticed the abnormal distance between you and his best friend, and how you aren’t looking at him in his eyes or making some remark. He is observant if not anything.

━━━━━

When you met Kei Tsukishima for the first time, you simply wanted to be his friend. You thought he looked cool, and he ordered the last thing someone your age would order. You were infatuated, absolutely and completely.

You remember watching in the black and white, wondering and fantasizing about what color his hair was or what color shirt he was wearing that morning.

And now here you were, seeing color in your friend’s eyes.

Friend. 

That was exactly what you wanted to be.

You ignored the pressure on your chest as you pushed down the fact that you were in love with him. You ignored the pain in your heart as you realized that you could see a little bit more gold in his eyes.

━━━━━

“You guys made these? They’re deli-- _hey that’s mine!!!_ \--licious!”

You were sitting in a chair with Tsukki, Mai, and Haru around you. None of you were really talking, mainly just scrolling through your phones and laughing about random things as you waited for school to open and start your sale.

But the second you heard Nishinoya, you whipped your head around. Tsukki did, too.

Noya and Tanaka were eating your desserts, faces stuffed with the baked goods you created. You exchanged one knowing look with Tsukki before the both of you jumped up to stop them.

━━━━━

That’s how you ended up shopping at the local grocery store with Tsukishima.

Nishinoya and Tanaka were lucky that you considered them your friends (or at least, friendly acquaintances). Because you could have their head on a stick for eating every single thing you made.

“I cannot believe them.”

Tsukki rolled his eyes as you both scanned the shelves. “I can. It’s typical of them. Nishinoya and Tanaka are… more than enough.”

You chuckle a little. You liked this. Being normal.

He reached above your head to grab a box of cupcakes from the shelf. Okay. So maybe it wasn’t normal. 

You felt your heart skip a beat when his arm stayed above you for just a millisecond longer than it should’ve been.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” You told him as you grabbed one from a lower shelf.

“About?”

“Well, about how we…”

“Are you two finding everything okay?” A worker asked, walking down the aisle. 

“Yeah, yup. We’re doing alright.” 

You were going to do something to end up on the national news.

━━━━━

“You know, I wasn’t expecting you to buy something instead of baking your own.” Ukai said to you when you placed your store bought brownies and cupcakes onto the table.

“We didn’t. Originally.”

“ _We_?”

“Oh, right. Tsukki and I baked for a long time yesterday.” You shrugged. “But someone decided that they were simply too good to put out for the rest of the school.”

“And by someone you mean those two.” Ukai pointed his head towards the two in question.

You smiled, taking a seat next to the coach. Your own coach sat with the baseball coach at the other table, talking to the volleyball third years. 

“Are you and Tsukishima… you know…?” Ukai questioned.

You immediately shook your head. There was no way you were having this conversation with your family friend, someone you see at family outings. 

“I’m _not_ having this conversation.”

“Okay, quick question then.” He leaned back in the chair. “Do you think we should wear our black jerseys or should I try to get orange jerseys for home games?”

“Keep the black, the orange is bright. Noya will look good standing out.”

“Hm.”

_Fuck. So much for that._

━━━━━

“Coach Ukai” had always been Keishin Ukai to you. You didn’t know exactly how it happened, but their family had always been close to yours. Growing up, they would be at all of your family events and you remember going to volleyball games and Ukai coming to your softball games.

So, when he came to your house for dinner one night with your parents and he asked “Hey, I heard you want to volunteer. I’m coaching the boy’s volleyball team if you want to help after your softball practices.” you couldn’t really say no.

“That’s perfect!” your mom said.

You kicked her under the table.

━━━━━

The bake sale went as planned. It made the teams quite a bit of money, just enough for the needed buses.

Tsukishima watched as you sold the random baked goods. He watched you smile at every interaction and mess with Coach Ukai. Once, you caught his eye and smiled directly at him.

His heart hammered.

━━━━━

“Go talk to him.” Mai muttered to you as you cleaned up some things at the table.

“What?”

“Go fucking talk to him.” Mai repeated. “I know that it’s eating away at you. Go ask him about the kiss. Right now.”

“We’re busy.”

“Oh, no.” Mai took the trash out of your hand. “ _No_. Nope. Go fucking talk to him. Now.”

And you were being pushed.

Tsukki sat on a chair, legs spread and hands crossed over his chest. But the second your eyes met his, he sat up straight and pushed his glasses up.

“Can I talk to you?” you asked.

He gave you a nod and he stood, following you around the corner. Everyone was in class, so there was no chance of being caught unless someone from the bake sale interrupted.

“I would like to tell you something first.” He started. You just blinked up at him. “We’re friends.”

You furrowed your brows. “Yes. We’re friends.” _Friends don't almost kiss while covered in baking ingredients._

“Yes. _Friends_.”

Oh. 

That’s all he had to say. He was emphasizing it. 

So you would too.

“Friends.” You said again, nodding. “ _Best_ friends?”

He smiled (something you loved, but you ignored that inkling). “That spot is reserved for Yamaguchi. You can be my second in command, though.”

“That sounds cooler, anyway.”


	6. no, i don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot happened here for absolutely no reason  
> ALSO! i want to say thank you all for bearing with this slow update. finals kicked my ass lol
> 
> enjoy~

_“ why do i keep on coming back for more  
if all that you do is shut me out the door  
”_

_**\- bittersweet** , greer _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

The friendship blossomed between you and Kei Tsukishima. Cue the montage of getting him to laugh and study dates at his house. Cue the montage of corny music as the two of you subtly messed around instead of focusing on the fundraisers. Cue the montage of you growing closer with a bright filter.

You thought that if you managed to become his friend, his second in command, the colors would start to fade. Because by then, he was a friend. And friendships are marked with a stamp and wax seal. 

You didn’t know that friendships are the easiest to fall in love with. 

━━━━━

You woke up on the wrong side of the bed one morning. 

You were irritated beyond anything, a simmering anger that you tried to suppress as you got ready for the school day. The bright colors in your bathroom only seemed to piss you off even more. 

And, to make you even more angry at everyone and everything, Kei Tsukishima didn’t notice at all.

You were internally raging, and he didn’t say a word. Sure, you weren’t expressing your attitude to him. But as your second, he should know. Put a hand on your shoulder or flick your forehead and tell you to calm down. Anything but the silence you were receiving.

Even Yamaguchi got you an extra juice box, claiming that the “machine gave him two”. No it didn’t.

You glared at the stupid fucking board behind your homeroom teacher, letting your mind wander. Your life was so fucking annoying. 

First, you fall in love with some guy you barely knew. _Then_ you voluntarily spend more time with him and his entire team. And, to top it off, the colors only grew as you grew your friendship with the blonde boy.

You could barely see the grey filter anymore.

When Tsukki just up and left after class instead of waiting, you felt your eye twitch.

━━━━━

“She’s not in a good mood today, you know.” Yamaguchi said, walking beside his best friend. “You should say something to her. She’ll be in a better mood if you do.”

“What would me talking to her do?”

Yamaguchi shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s in love with you, I’m sure whatever you do or say would make her feel better.”

━━━━━

During your blooming friendship with Tsukki, you found yourself at his house a lot.

You liked to quiz each other on random things, study for the next quiz, or do homework. You know. Things that nerds do.

You spent the entire weekend there, hanging out and getting to know the man you were in love with. 

You never spoke about the almost kiss.

“Do you want to play catch with me?” You offered. You were lying on his floor, feet up against his wall and body exhausted from sitting up all day.

“Play catch with you?” He turned around in his desk chair, facing your figure on the ground. “With what?”

“I always have my glove and a ball in my bag. All you need is a glove.” You perked up, twisting your head to see him. “And I know your brother has one.”

“Okay so next question. Why?”

“As a break.”

“I’m not going to play sports when I don’t have to. Why, when all we do is practice anyway?”

“It isn’t practice. It’s a break from our studies. It’s supposed to be fun.”

“Fun.”

“Yes, _fun_.” You pushed yourself up. “C’mon.”

“I’m not doing that.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“Tsukki, c’mon. Please!”

He ended up playing for hours.

━━━━━

You sat in the grass, throwing the softball up and watching it come back down. Usually, practice would calm you down and stop you from throwing a tantrum for very long.

All in all, it had been a shit day throughout.

You woke up in a mood. You could get over that. But then, your teacher called you out specifically for something you didn’t even do. You got a test back and had a lower grade than you should have received. Your lunch was ass. And, to top it off, your coach yelled at you in front of the entire team. 

You wanted to burn through the grass and sit in the center of the earth.

Not to mention that the one guy, the _one person_ that you wanted to talk to, hadn’t spoken a word to you the entire day.

It was as though he was deliberately ignoring you. Going out of his way to avoid you, even.

You sighed as you stared at the sun.

━━━━━

You put on a fake smile for volleyball practice. Tsukishima noticed. How could he not notice when your eyes didn’t have their usual glow?

He tried to focus on the stupid volleyball club, do the drills and keep up with the team. 

But he kept glancing towards you.

━━━━━

You sighed as you cleaned up the last ball. Hinata and Kageyama were still going at it (Hinata’s frown quickly vanished after you rejected his ask of you to stay). You rolled your shoulders to crack your back. Being angry all day really does put some weight on your shoulders.

You started to leave the gym, carrying your softball bag and your backpack, when a body appeared next to yours. 

Tsukki.

“Come with me.” He said.

“Oh, so you _are_ talking to me?” You bantered. 

“Yes.” He pushed up his glasses. “Come.”

And you did.

━━━━━

You followed him for a while, never asking why or where you were going. The amount of trust you had in this boy was insane.

You ended on a hill. It was out of the city, pretty distant into the suburbs, and you couldn’t hear the sound of cars or anything other than the occasional bird.

It was dark, but you could see clearly.

Tsukki sat down first, leaning onto his arms in the grass. You followed suit, silently sitting beside him.

“I come here when I’m in a shitty mood.” He said after a while. You shoved your bags aside. “It’s calming.”

“I’m sure it’s beautiful during the summer.” You said, gazing where the flowers are wilting. 

“It is.” 

“The flowers are yellow, by the way.” You told him. “Well, they’re dying so it’s more of a mustard or burnt yellow. But they’re yellow nonetheless.”

“Like my hair.”

You chuckled. “Yeah, like your hair.”

A pause. 

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He asked, turning his head towards you. 

“For taking me here. Even though you knew I was frustrated.”

“I knew you were kind of pissed since you walked into school.” Tsukki said. “I just didn’t want to somehow make it worse, so I kept my distance. Yamaguchi scolded me about it earlier. I figured this would get you to smile at least.”

He was closer to you now. Your thighs were touching.

“Well, thank you.” 

He was leaning in. The second time this has happened and you still couldn’t control the rapid heart beats in your chest. _He was just going to wipe dirt from your shoulder, or maybe he was going to push your hair back. Maybe, if you were lucky, he was going to hug you._

Your eyes were open when he kissed you.

As his lips touched yours, you tasted mint. You only took a second of surprise to kiss him back, eyes closing and grasping at his neck to keep him close.

His glasses never got in the way.

Tsukki kept his hands to himself; but because of the height difference, it was a bit like he was leaning over you. The wilting flowers surrounded the both of you as your lips moved together.

You were the one to pull back, catching your breath. He did too, as if composing himself.

“Tsukki?” You bit your lips, still tasting him. 

“Hm?”

“Do you really not see color?”

There was a moment of deafening silence. You could hear buzzing in your ears. His eyes shifted between yours and you couldn’t define the emotion behind them.

“No.” He turned his head back to the hills. “I don’t.”


	7. golden eyes

_“ if you could only see how blue her eyes could be... ”_

_**\- if you could only see** , tonic _

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

You decided to keep your distance. You couldn’t be his friend when your heart continued to be shattered at a measly “no”. 

As he walked you home in silence that night, you considered a thousand different ways to get rid of the colors. To get rid of the love you had for him.

It was incredibly toxic, you thought, to continue to be friends with a boy your heart pined for.

━━━━━

You still volunteered with the Karasuno team. It was a bit strange, though, because you would do your best to either stay behind with Hinata and Kageyama, or you would leave with Ukai. Anything to get you out of walking with Tsukki and Yamaguchi.

Hinata was the first one to notice that things weren’t the same (always the observant one). 

“Did something happen with you and Tsukki?” He asked you after practice as the both of you cleaned up the last of the volleyballs.

“I can see color, and he can’t.” You confided.

“We knew that.” 

You chuckled, considering if you should tell him. In the end, you figured “what’s the harm?”, so you said, “We kissed. And even after that, he still couldn’t see color.”

He audibly gasped. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“It is not your place to be sorry.” You fluffed his hair. “Are you all done for the night?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

━━━━━

Staying away from Tsukishima was harder than you anticipated. 

He was in your class, he had lunch the same time, he was on the team you voluntarily helped with. Everywhere you went, he seemed to be there.

“Do you really think the colors will finally go away?” Haru asked you.

You three were sitting at a picnic table at lunch. It had been almost a week of avoiding the boy and the colors were still as vibrant as ever. You figured falling out of love would be harder than falling into it.

“I hope so.”

At the same time, Tsukki and Yamaguchi walked by. They both looked your direction, and you only exchanged a small look with Yamaguchi.

“They miss you.”

“I know.” You returned to your food, no longer hungry. “I miss them, too.”

━━━━━

One day at Blu, Tsukishima had come in with only sweatpants and a hoodie on. He seemingly just woke up and rushed out without thinking much of it.

You thought he looked handsome no matter his attire.

“What can I get for you today, Kei?” You asked in your usual customer service voice. 

He didn’t glance at you as he ordered his usual black coffee.

You were about to punch it into the register when he added, “And a blueberry muffin.”

“I heard that blueberry muffins are actually purple.” You offered as conversation. Not that you knew what either of the colors looked like.

“That’s stupid.” was his reply.

━━━━━

After a month of avoiding the boy, you were growing frustrated. The colors hadn’t even _dimmed_ , let alone left. They were still bright and loud.

It was like a taunt every time you woke up.

You shoved an (obnoxious) bright yellow shirt on as you cleaned your room. It was an old softball practice shirt that you found in the bottom of your drawer. You had no idea back then how incredibly bright a lot of your clothes were. Why did your mother let you leave the house? 

It was a weekend, and you figured that cleaning your space would also help in clearing your mind. Putting on the shirt was your way of saying “fuck you” to the colors.

As you blasted music, a knock on your door interrupted. 

━━━━━

“What did you do to her?” Yamaguchi asked Tsukishima the day after the kiss.

“What do you mean?”

“You did something to her.” He crossed his arms. “What did you do? She won’t talk to either of us, like I have some part of whatever fucked up shit you did.”

“I…” Tsukishima pushed up his glasses. “I kissed her. Well. We kissed.”

Yamaguchi nodded, thoughts processing. “Then you rejected her again right after, didn’t you?”

“Am I supposed to lie?”

“Yes.”

━━━━━

The knocking on your door persisted, and you eventually gave in and answered.

With a hard swing of the door, you sighed, very irritated, “ _What?_ ”

Kei Tsukishima stood in front of you, hand still above your head in an attempt to knock again. His eyes made contact with yours. _Those golden fucking eyes._

“You’re avoiding me.”

“No shit.”

“Why?”

“ _Why?_ ” You scoffed incredulously. “You’re kidding, right? Why am I avoiding you?”

“Yeah.” Tsukki seemed sincerely confused as he shoved his hands back into his pockets. “What did I do?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. You shook your head, looking away from his eyes. 

He said, “It isn’t like I’ve lied to you.”

“That’s true. You’ve been brutally honest.”

“Then.. why are you avoiding me?” Tsukki tried to catch your eyes again. 

“Because every second with you hurts, Tsukki.” Your frustration echoed in your voice. “Every second that I spend with you is a painful reminder that you _don’t_ and _won’t_ feel the same way about me that I feel for you. And you constantly remind me of that little detail.”

Without a moment of hesitation he said, “Telling you that I don’t love you back should help you. I don’t see what your issue is.”

“You don’t see what _my_ issue is?” You put your hand back on the doorknob. “How’s this: my issue is _you_.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m done, Tsukki.” You met his gaze. “I’m done. I tried to be your friend, I tried to get rid of the stupid colors. But everything I do only makes them worse. And you consistently telling me that you don’t see the same that I do and always being an avid reminder that you don’t love me back… it _sucks_. And I can’t do it anymore. It’s draining.”

“So you’re going to… what exactly?” His voice got louder. Angrier. “Just forget that I exist and never talk to me, or Yamaguchi, or the team again?”

“Yeah.” You nodded, clearly still pissed off. “That’s the plan.”

You were pissed that he came to your house _a month_ after you stopped talking to him. You were pissed that all of this started with your stupid part time job. You were pissed that he was standing in front of you looking fine as hell. You were pissed that you still saw colors with every waking moment. 

You were pissed that you fell into an unrequited love.

“You can’t just…”

“But I can.”

“No, you can’t!” His voice got louder. You could raise your voice, too.

“Yes, I fucking can, Kei.” You told him. “You don’t know how many times that I’ve tried to get rid of these stupid fucking colors. I’m so over looking like an idiot because of the one person who…”

“Can you shut the fuck up for just a second, I can’t even pay attention to what you’re saying with that bright ass yellow shirt you have on.” Tsukki interrupted, grimacing as he looked away.

The entire world froze around you. He seemed to figure out what he said far too late, closing his eyes. Your heart seized in your chest and you felt as though you just got the wind got knocked out of you. 

“Wh.. what did you just say?” Your eye twitched. 

“Hm?” Tsukki turned to you, pretending to be oblivious. 

“What did you just say, Tsukki?” You felt tears arriving, but you were forcing yourself to stare at him. “How long have you… How long have you been able to see color?”

“Since I ordered my first black coffee.” He stated. As if it was nothing.

As if it didn’t fucking matter.

“You…” You let the tears free fall down your cheeks. But you laughed. “You could see color this entire time?”

“Just listen…”

“No! _No_.” You took a step back, putting distance between you and the cause of your heartache. “You just claimed to have never lied to me, yet you’ve been lying to me this _entire fucking time._ ”

He started to say something, perhaps explain himself. But you could barely breathe.

If your heart hadn’t been damaged enough by his constant rejections and painful “no”s, it was completely shattered now.

“You let me believe this entire time that you didn’t feel the same way about me.” You could taste your tears, but ignored it. “For nearly a fucking year, you watched me go through hell. You let me ruin my own heart and let me become frustrated with my own fucking life. You _kissed me_ and then told me that you didn’t love me. You…”

“I love you.” He interrupted, trying to get you to stop yelling.

It was the first time he had said it, and it had slipped past his tongue as if he had been meaning to say it for months.

“I guess it’s a bit late for that.” 

You watched as the colors drained from the world. Your focus turned back to the greyscale as if a vacuum sucked every single color that had existed. 

The last color you watched dissipate was the gold in his eyes.

**fin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all folks!
> 
> thank you all so much for reading and giving me a bunch of feedback on this! it's my first time writing for tsukki and writing a soulmate au, and it was super fun!!
> 
> as always, i love you all and i hope you all had a happy holiday!! <3333


	8. 1kparty one shot; epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is from my 1kparty on tumblr ! someone requested color + tsukki, so this is the one shot <3 it counts as an epilogue, i think <3

“ _Can you shut the fuck up for just a second, I can’t even pay attention to what you’re saying with that bright ass yellow shirt you have on_.”

The very second the words left his mouth, Kei Tsukishima felt his entire body freeze. He was utterly paralyzed in realization that he had confessed. He had confessed in the one thing he promised himself that he would not.

He wanted to melt into the center of the earth and never return.

The way you looked at him penetrated a very part of him that had never been reached before. He never wanted you to look at him like that, with so much hurt and anger that it glossed over your usually bright features.

He needed to explain himself, to tell you why he suppressed those god awful colors for so long. 

“ _Kei, do you believe in soulmates?_ ” You had asked him one day, weeks before, surely to determine if he was simply soulmate-impaired.

That should have been an easy answer. In fact, it should have been as simple as saying yes or no. But instead, Tsukishima was rushed with an apocalypse of responses, all with lengthy explanations and reasonings. And you didn’t want that. 

He could have told you about how he didn’t trust the world to determine his soulmate. He could have told you about how much his trust had already been broken, various times by his own brother. He could have told you about how he doesn’t want to believe because that’s another form of the earth’s shitty way of control.

Instead, he had just told you “ _No_.”

Because he didn’t. And he wanted to fall in love by himself.

Because he wanted to be able to say “I love you” before he said “I see color.”


End file.
